✍️ How To Make Your Landing Page Suck Less

A detailed breakdown of how I would improve this company's homepage copy

Author

Shabir Nudrat
February 26, 2024

Hey there,

Welcome back to the third edition of the Content Canvas.

A newsletter about anything and everything content-related.

In this newsletter, I'm changing things up...

What I don't want to do: A newsletter filled with theories on how to make your content better.

What I do want to do: A newsletter where I break down a specific piece of content and SHOW you how I would make it better.

In other words, I'll show and tell you at the same time.

Today's target is a SaaS Company called PrettyDamnQuick.

Here's a quick rundown of what they do (so you have context):

  1. They help Shopify brands increase their profit per order through checkout optimization.

  2. They also help them with reducing their operational costs through delivery & fulfillment optimization.

  3. They've helped some of the fastest-growing companies in the eCommerce space.

Tbh, it's a pretty damn sick tool.

But... tbh - they're also pretty not that good at communicating how sick of a product they have.

So, in this newsletter, I'll break down their homepage copy and show you how I would go about improving it.

Quick disclaimer:

Take all advice in this thought-experiment newsletter with a grain of salt. Obviously - I haven’t done a fully loaded copy research session where I get to understand every pain point and objection of PDQ’s customers.

And therefore - there’s no way of determining whether my suggestions are right or wrong. But - let’s be honest:

You never know when you’re right or wrong in marketing before you’ve tested it.

That being said - I still think I managed to make some pretty useful suggestions, but idk - you let me know (just respond to this email)

The 4 Thoughts That Run Through A Visitor's Head When They Land On Your Lander.

When a visitor lands on your lander, they only have four thoughts:

What's in it for me?

Is this legit?

How do I get started?

What's in it for me, again?

So, when writing your copy and designing your landing page, keep these questions in mind.

Ok, enough theory - let's get to practice.

Copy Teardown: Breaking Down A Landing Page and Fixing It.

Hero Section



1) The Hero Heading and Sub-Heading: Currently, their hero banner says:

"Software to make your sales grow and deliveries flow" and...

"Get an Amazon-like checkout and delivery experience."

… and while this is not bad, it's also not good.

Why?

Well… "Software to make your sales grow and deliveries flow" sounds nice.

But what does it actually mean? It's more clever than clear.

"Get an Amazon-like checkout and delivery experience".

The idea behind this is decent, but again - what is an Amazon-like checkout and delivery experience?

I'm not too sure. I think I know.

But do I really?

Is it the 1-click checkout they are talking about? No - it's not. So what is it?

Here are three examples of how I would redo the heading and subheading:

  • Variation 1

    • Heading: Stop leaking your profit margins in checkout

    • Sub-heading: We help Shopify brands make more profit per customer, and convert more customers - by fixing their “broken checkout”

  • Variation 2:

    • Heading: Stop leaking your profits in your checkout & poor ops

    • Sub-heading: We help Shopify brands make more profit, and retain more customers, while cutting operational costs by 70%. Guaranteed

  • Variation 3

    • Heading: We help Shopify brands make XX% more profit, while cutting operational costs by XX%

    • Sub-heading: You’re leaking profits in your checkout. Let us help you fix it, just like we’re doing for True Classic, Obvi, Jones Road Beauty, and +1000 other brands

1.2) The Hero CTA:

The way I think about CTAs is that you always want to push them to value rather than pushing them to "action".

I don't want them to "get started".

I want them to "Start fixing their broken checkout" or "See how much they're missing out on".

It changes the frame from something WE WANT them to do to something that will benefit THEM.

1.3)The Trust Booster:

These guys work with some incredible brands like...

True Classic, Obvi, Jones Road Beauty, and many more. Everybody knows those guys in the eCommerce space.

So - why not use some of the space in the hero section to call it out and add trust immediately?

Or.

Maybe even better: Use it to showcase a guarantee that I KNOW they have but which they don't show on the website.

Even if it's just a range like: "If you're doing +7 figures in sales, we guarantee an X% uplift in checkout profit.

The With and Without Section

So, this section… is incredibly confusing.

And although it could be a very powerful section - I feel like two things are going wrong here.

The animations are doing more harm than good. I'm not a designer, so take it with a grain of salt. That's just my opinion.

B) The things mentioned in the "with and without" section are not agitating the pain of not using the tool enough.

Like...

People will not pay $600-$1000 / month for software that helps with...

"Chaotic multi-screen workflow".

Period.

To improve this section, you need to answer your customers' questions of...

"How much are we losing out on by not having the app, and how much they will gain by having the app."

And… It needs to be related to the core USPs & business results that PDQ can help merchants achieve.

It can't just be all kinds of random stuff that people don't care about.

Anyhow - here's how I would redo it:

  • Make Money Angle

    • Without PDQ: Missing out on $X.Y dollars in your checkout.

    • With PDQ: "We increased our profit margin by XYZ% after implementing PDQ".

  • Save money

    • Without PDQ: Over 60 seconds spent per order, and massive operational inefficiency.

    • With PDQ: 70% decrease in operational costs, because all orders are being processed in seconds.

  • Service Angle

    • Without PDQ: No help with decreasing operational costs and increasing checkout profit.

    • With PDQ: Hand-holding and help in every step of the way, from our team of experts who's helped brands like X, Y, And Z.

  • Retention Angle

    • Without PDQ: Your customers don't know when their orders will get delivered + they will get delivered late.

    • With PDQ: Your customers always know when they will get their package, with 99% accuracy.

  • Capacity Angle

    • Without PDQ: Be scared of whether you have the capacity to fulfill all the incoming orders.

    • With PDQ: Order 5x as many orders per day, and never be afraid to scale.

Case Study Section

They feature semi-case studies from brands like Underoutfit, Ghia, and Easyplant.

… but

To see the results they've achieved for those brands, you need to hover over the testimonial and then read.

A few suggestions I would give to this section is:

Include more big & famous brands like... JRB, True Classic, Under Armour, Obvi, Tushy, Swarovski etc.

My hypothesis is that those are more famous brands than the rest.

Make the section bigger and make the results more clear. "We helped X company achieve Y result in Z time by 1,2,3,4,5. Click here to read more".

Make the case studies expandable so you can read more on every single case.

Content Resources I found useful this week

Want me to make a copy-audit of your website or emails next?

Reply to this email and I’ll put you on my hitlist for the coming emails

Thanks for reading along

Hey you,

Yeah - you.

Thank you for reading this newsletter.

I appreciate you more than you can imagine - and I look forward to serving you every single week.

and hey - also an additional thank you for getting me to cross 200 subscribers in 3 weeks. Ur the best

See ya next week

All the best
Shabir